Depression can take a terrible tole on one’s life and on ones loved ones too. The last post i made included a painting of a nuthatch in our red-bud. I actually had begun this painting almost 2 years ago and was only recently able to return to it and finish it by painting in the tree branches. For over a year i have struggled to return to the intense happiness that painting used to bring. i don’t know yet where my story will end but i can say that it is so important to have people who care and believe in you. If you know of someone suffering from depression don’t give up on them.
For me a turning point surely occurred when I discovered this early photo of me on the breakfast table a few weeks ago.
It was snapped while I was out sketching on the hillside behind the trailer we used to live in up in Vermont. With the photo was just a little note in my husbands hand,”I’d like this person back.” It makes all the difference to know someone cares. He loves the artist in me, and knowing that is so important to me.
I am working on finding and reconstructing her. it may take a while but I’ll do my best. If I post less frequently its because I only want to post solid accomplishments: paintings i feel good about. In the mean time I continue to avidly read your posts and deeply appreciate your comments. Keep up the good camaraderie and enjoy your work! And, please don’t forget to look for mine rare though it may be!
I shall repeat this poem of Rumi’s from my last post. For me it speaks volumes.
I have been told “that if you really want something; you can make it happen.” Well maybe and maybe not yet, if ever. I know what I want but I don’t have the skill to paint it. So I will share these studies with you just so you may see that I am working, not because I am satisfied with where I have gotten to.
I do have to come up with something by the end of the week one way or another. Unfortunately I cannot take the cavalier approach of blowing this one off. The deadline is 5PM Sunday: 3 pieces matted and framed ready for hanging. The poems are already submitted and in the catalogue.
This one may have to do bumpy horizon line and all. There are parts of it I’m happy with.
This one also has a large version which works OK. I just haven’t got it flattend yet to photograph.
I think my friends learn to accept my idiosyncrasies such as today when I lay down on the stiffly frozen grass to photograph the ice and then just stayed there admiring the trees. Actually the grass was comfortable. It worked like coiled bed springs trapping air so the ground did not feel a bit cold even though the air temperature was barely above the single digits Fahrenheit.
We stayed for quite a long time listening to the ice which besides reflecting the trees in its usual beautiful milky way was also “talking”; it chortled and burped and gurgled. Once it even gave off a series of explosions sounding like a fourth of July fireworks. I suppose it was expanding and responding to the warmth as the sun gradually rose above the trees. But, I don’t really know. My friend said it sounded like the mud baths at Yellowstone National Park.
Often when I experience something beautiful or fascinating I am aware of a deep loss. Only today an idea clicked: in my sensation of loss the one missing becomes present and is, for that moment, here with me, a comforting feeling. And so “up” gets very soft and full of memories:
Home from our walk i worked on painting number two of the ocean, then headed into class where I sketched people at yoga practice-a great place to do figure drawing if you keep it simple and quick. The challenge for this week is to sketch or draw a 100 people by the end of the week.
Here is one from Hanna’s blog of her hiking in Norway. I wish she were closer by. I would take her to White Memorial Woods and to Sessions Woods. These photos presumably from her walk in Norway could be from those beautiful New England landscapes where there are so many trails just waiting for the explorer/artist in me.
Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.
Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
Here is a sketch I made yesterday following a walk with a friend and before driving home. It was cold and grey with a light drizzle so I worked from inside my car.
Only in painting is there peace and in that only if I can get a painting going. My winter scene platter cracked during Bisque firing (really not an uncommon occurrence for a piece that big especially when drying time has to be hurried which happened in this case). Anyway we hang in there.
hand built porcelain-stoneware ~14″x22″with carved design in colored slips. i shall just have to try again! Of course the inspiration will be different and there-in lies the loss. Experience, itself, is a welcome teacher.
Our lives are so fragmented, so torn by hopes and dreams and unfinished business it is hard to stay centered and be deliberate. i am grateful if i can maintain that attitude for any length of time but i keep trying.
When I parked at the gym for yoga practice I admired a beautiful young con-color planted on the edge of the parking lot and determined to sketch it when class was over. As I began to paint, it started to snow, and the snow to accumulate rapidly on the roads. I hurried through the sketch and wondered how does one do falling snow????
So with hope and dreams safely in your pockets go look at the view-where ever you are-and maybe sketch it. There are worse things to do.